The One She Loves
by BuildingAnEmpire
Summary: AO. Olivia is dying. Alex comes home.


The One She Loves

And Always Will

Disclaimer: I own nothing except the story.

Spoilers: Loss and Ghost, I guess.

A/N: Sorry it's sad! Italics are flashbacks (or thoughts…it's easy to differentiate). Lyrics are from I'll Wait for You by Joe Nichols. Feedback is much appreciated!!!!

---

"Where are you?" His panicked voice came over the line.

"I'm trying Elliot. It's snowing like crazy all over the place. The bus is really slow, but I don't have another choice." She sighed, rubbing her temples and looking out of the window.

"I know, just hurry." He was sympathetic.

"How…how is she?" She asked quietly.

"I don't know Alex." Elliot didn't want to tell her the real prognosis.

----

_The knocking at the front door resonated through the entire townhouse. Alex reached forward and turned the fire off under the burner. She bit her lip as she nervously decided whether or not to answer the door. _Who would be knocking on my door here_? She wondered; _I have no friends anymore_. As the knocking started again she jumped, _how long will it be before I no longer do that

"_I'm coming!" She yelled at the door as she shuffled out of the kitchen. When she reached the door, she looked through the peephole. Her heart started beating faster at the familiar face. Alex unlocked and yanked the door open quickly, revealing the somber face. They stood there still for a moment, starting at each other._

_Alex regained her composure first, inviting the old friend in. "Sorry, come in." She stepped aside._

_As he walked through the threshold, he looked around, noticing the décor. Alex closed the door behind him, not sure what to do. He smiled in her direction briefly before placing a hand on her arm sympathetically._

"_Don, what's going on?" Alex pleaded._

"_Let's sit down." Don Cragen looked towards the couch, not meeting her eyes._

_She nodded and they moved away from the entrance. Alex sat first and he followed, still holding onto his jacket. He cleared his throat and shifted, not sure what to say. _

"_Please, just tell me." Alex noticed how uncomfortable he was._

"_It's Olivia." Don blurted. _

_Alex's jaw went slack and she could feel her eyes water. She felt her heart start breaking. Her hand went to her lips; the short bursts of hot air tickled her fingertips. _

"_Is she…" Alex wasn't able to finish._

"_I knew she wouldn't contact you, didn't want to upset you. We all thought it would be fine." He looked down, scratching the back of his neck._

"_What…" She could barely formulate a word, much less a sentence. _

"_Kidney failure. The doctors aren't really sure how she got it. All they know was that it was sudden. She's on the donor list and is waiting for a transplant now. She has no idea that I came here to tell you. But Alex, really, she needs you." Don looked back up._

"_What do I do? I'm Rachel now. Can I leave? Can I contact her? What do I do, please, just tell me what to do." Alex was confused, but most of all, she was terrified._

"_If we're really careful, I've talked it over with the agents. They said you could see her." He reached into his jacket, pulling out a plane ticket. He handed it to her._

_Alex looked down at it. "When can we leave?" _

"_The flight is in two hours. You pack and we'll go to the airport." Don gave her another sympathetic glance before she got up, walking down the hall to pack._

-----

Alex could feel the cold immediately as she stepped off of the bus. She walked two feet to stand next to the bus stop sign. She waited, the snow gently falling around her. The next bus would come in five minutes. Alex reached up, touching the dark brown hair that now framed her face. She bated her eyelashes as the snow stuck to them; _at least I am not wearing glasses anymore_, she surmised.

-----

_She knocked tentatively at the door to a place she was all too familiar with. Alex heard something shuffle behind the door before the locks clicked. She looked down, waiting for the person to open the door. The gust of wind blew her hair a bit as the door opened before her._

"_Can I help you?" It was a man's voice._

_Alex looked up, puzzled. "Uh…"_

_The man looked back. "Alex?" _

_She shuffled, looking down the hall nervously, before nodding. "Elliot." _

_Soon his muscular arms are embracing her. She leaned into his touch, hugging back. Finally, she pulled away._

"_What are you doing here? Is it even safe?" He questioned, looking down the hall before pulling her into the safe haven of the apartment._

"_I needed to see her. They let me, Cragen came and he said that I could come." She felt relieved when he finally closed the door behind her._

_Elliot ran his hand across the top of his head. "It's really good to see you. If the circumstances were different…" He trailed off._

_She nodded and took the break to look around the room. Everything seemed to look the same, except it was a lot cleaner. She noticed the kitchen, pill bottles lined the counter. Alex shifted her weight, dropping her bag on the floor next to the door. She slid her jacket off before putting it on the hook that hung on the wall. She was surprised at how much she remembered about this place; it was a comfort. _

"_You want to see her?" Elliot's voice interrupted her thoughts._

"_Hmm?" She looked at him. "Oh yes, can I?" She wrapped her arms around herself._

_He nodded before stepping back and looking down the hallway, encouraging her to go. Alex looked at him before walking slowly down the hall. She hesitated before pushing the bedroom door open. Alex peeked inside, hoping to see the woman she so desperately missed. She gasped when she saw the room. The apartment was the same, but the room, the room was much different. The room was like a hospital. Tears welled in her eyes, she blinked them back. Alex stared; ahead of her was Olivia, small and fragile. She watched the rise and fall of Olivia's chest before tentatively entering the room. She walked over to the hospital bed, glancing around at the machines that were beeping. Her breath caught in her throat as she got closer. The once olive skin was now pale and chalky. But even with the oxygen tube under her nose and the lines snaking from her skin, Alex still found her to be the most beautiful woman she had ever seen. She looked down at Olivia's hand, carefully sliding her own into it. Alex sat gently on the side of her bed, lightly brushing her fingers across Olivia's skin._

"_Mmm?" Olivia moaned._

_Alex winced, feeling bad for waking her. "Hey honey." She whispered._

_She saw Olivia's brow furrow at the voice. Olivia squinted, making sure she saw correctly._

"_Alex?" Olivia whispered back._

"_Yeah honey, it's me." Alex smiled down, bringing her other hand to brush against Olivia's cheek._

_Olivia bit her lip. "But, how?"_

"_They let me come see you. I've missed you." Alex squeezed Olivia's hand lightly._

"_Why? This isn't safe. I don't want you to get hurt." Olivia frowned, clearly upset._

"_Hey, it's fine. Don't worry about it. All that matters is I am here now." Alex ran her hands through Olivia's short hair._

"_Alex…" Olivia started._

_Alex interrupted. "I've missed you, so much. Montana sucks. Rachel sucks."_

_Olivia smiled. "I've missed you too. New York isn't fairing any better." _

_Alex slipped her shoes off, getting more comfortable and brought her hand from Olivia's hair to the blanket covering her abdomen. She lightly rubbed the blanketed area, feeling the heat coming off of Olivia's body. _

"_So, have you…met anyone?" Olivia questioned, watching Alex's hand._

"_There is no one to meet. I don't consider myself available." Alex replied quietly, trying to judge Olivia's feelings. "Why? Have you…met someone?"_

_Olivia chuckled. "In this situation? Besides, I don't consider myself available either."_

_Alex grinned before slowing her motions. "Good."_

"_Lay with me?" Olivia tentatively asked._

_Alex nodded and carefully moved up the bed, bringing her legs up. She lay against the pillows and Olivia rested her head on Alex's chest. Alex closed her eyes, letting the tears quietly fall down her cheeks. Olivia's breath quickened and smoothed out._

"_I love you." Alex whispered into the dark._

"_I love you." Olivia murmured before letting sleep consume her_.

----

Alex wiped the tears from her eyes as she looked out of the bus window, seeing pieces of New York come into view. The wind was whipping as the snow came down harder, piling up. She became antsy, hoping the ride would be over shortly. She thought back to the many times she had visited Olivia in the last year. The agents hated this, but let her, knowing she would go anyway. She didn't want to think about Olivia's diminishing health over that time. The bus lurched to a stop, bringing her out of her revere. Alex stood, waiting to get off. As she stepped into the walkway, calm came over her. She held onto the seat next to her before looking around. Alex caught her breath before getting off of the bus. As she watched the bus pull away Alex felt another feeling. She glanced down the street and then up to the sky; the snow stopped. Alex started to run, the slushy snow squishing under her shoes. The back of her jeans became soaked with snow as she ran faster, her hair whipping behind her. She was out of breath as she entered the hospital. Her cheeks were red and she gasped, trying to fill her lungs. A nurse came over when she saw Alex bend over at the waste.

"Can I help you?" The nurse placed a hand on her back, bending down.

"Olivia Benson. I need to know where Olivia Benson is." Alex choked out.

The nurse went over to the computer, quickly looking her up. "She's on the third floor. 305. Make a left at the end of this hallway."

Alex nodded and took off running again, her shoes squeaking on the linoleum. She turned left and threw open the stairwell door. Alex took the stairs two at a time, grabbing the railing to propel her. As she busted through the third floor door she stopped. Alex glanced down the hallway and spotted Elliot. She started towards him but stopped when she noticed him on the phone. Alex realized her phone was ringing and she pulled it out of her purse, the sound growing louder. Elliot's head snapped up as he heard her cell phone go off. He closed his phone as he realized she was there. He watched, rubbing his forehead, as she walked towards him. Once she got close, she noticed the look on his face. Her steps slowed, her head shaking in disbelief. Elliot gave her a sympathetic look before nodding, his face pasted with dry tears.

"No, no, no no…"Alex mumbled, allowing Elliot to grab her, holding onto her.

"Shh, it's going to be okay Al." He rubbed her back, tears springing to his eyes.

"When?" Alex asked through tears.

"She slipped into a coma about ten minutes ago. There is nothing more they can do. The machines are keeping her alive now. I'm sorry." Elliot held onto her tighter.

"Why? Why did this have to happen?" Alex was angry.

"Alexandra Cabot?" The doctor interrupted.

Alex turned to look at him. "Yes?" She nodded her confirmation.

"Ms. Benson has you down as her power of attorney. Are you related?" The doctor looked at his papers.

"No, not related." Alex shook her head.

"Okay well, I'm really sorry about…your friend. But we're going to need to know what you want to do. Take your time; let us know whenever you are ready." The doctor looked at her.

"What I want to do about what?" Alex looked over to Elliot.

"If you want to keep her on life support or take her off." The doctor seemed uncomfortable.

"I have to choose?" She didn't seem to understand.

"Well, she has no next of kin and you are her power of attorney. But I am sure that her other friends will be able to help you decide if you feel like you can not make the decision on your own." His arms crossed behind his back.

Alex looked to Elliot and then back to the doctor. "I'm going to need some time."

The doctor nodded. "Let me know whenever you are ready." He walked away.

"What do we do Elliot? I can't, I can't let her die." New tears cascaded down Alex's face.

"Al, she's already gone. The doctors said she wasn't going to come back." He offered.

"I know she, um, talked to you about this. What did she want?" Alex needed him to decide for them.

"She wouldn't have wanted this. As much as I hate to admit it, as much as I want her back with us, she didn't want this." Elliot looked down at the floor.

"Okay." Alex nodded. "Okay then. I want to see her."

Elliot nodded and led them into Olivia's room. He stood back as he watched Alex approach the bed. She stood beside the bed first, taking in Olivia's appearance. The tubes snaked all around her lifeless body. The machines beeped around her bed, keeping her alive. Olivia's chest rose rhythmically, assisted by the tube down her throat. Tears poured down Alex's cheeks as she watched the love of her life lay there. She stood there for a few more moments before taking her shoes off and slipping into the bed. Alex molded herself around Olivia's body, needing to feel close. She took Olivia's hand, gripping it hard.

"Olivia I love you. I'm so sorry I wasn't here. I tried, I really did and I hope you know that." Alex choked out. "I can't imagine my life without you. This whole time that I've been in witness protection has been bearable because I had hopes that one day we would be together. Now I know that we never will be and my heart is shattered into a million pieces. I want you to wake up. Wake up and walk out of here with me. We could both live in Montana. I would never leave your side. Montana really isn't that bad and you wouldn't have to call me Rachel unless we were out. What do I do now? You are the one Liv. Who is going to marry me now? Who is going to put up with me? I miss you so much. I have to let you go because it's what you would want. But I love you, more than anything, you'll always be in my heart." Alex buried her face into Olivia's neck.

Elliot cleared his throat and wiped his eyes as the doctor came into the room. Alex looked over. She nodded as the doctor stood by the door.

"We're going to take her off." Elliot quietly informed the doctor.

The doctor went out into the hallway before returning with a nurse. They walked over to the bed as Elliot followed. The nurse turned the machine off as the doctor stood behind the bed. The nurse pulled the tape from Olivia's mouth and the doctor unhooked the tube. As the doctor began pulling the tube from Olivia's mouth, Alex held on tighter, pressing her lips to Olivia's faint life line. Elliot stood by the side of the bed, holding Olivia's other hand. They all stayed in silence until the machine showed a flat line. The nurse switched it off as the doctor wrote the time of death on his papers. The doctor and nurse left Elliot and Alex holding onto their loved one; Alex's lips still pressed to Olivia's neck.

----

"It's a beautiful day. Liv would have loved this." Elliot mused as he sat next to Alex.

The funeral and burial had been earlier. Everyone had already dispersed, heading to Cragen's house to mourn. Alex and Elliot stayed behind and were sitting down by Olivia's grave. Finally Elliot moved, standing up. He watched as Alex stared aimlessly into the sky.

"Oh, here, I was supposed to give this to you." He handed her a piece of paper before walking to his car.

Alex looked down at the paper, her name perfectly scrawled on the front in Olivia's handwriting. She opened it carefully, hoping it still smelled like her love.

_I'll wait for you at Heaven's gates_

_I don't care, how long it takes_

_And I'll tell Saint Pete that I can't come in_

_Without my love and my best friend_

_This ain't nothing new_

_Sweetheart, I'll wait for you_

_P.S I love you too. Sweetheart, I'll wait for you._

Tears once again spilled over onto her cheeks. She pressed the note to her heart and looked up into the sky. Alex lay down beside the fresh grave, curling into it.

She ran her fingers through the dirt and looked back into the sky. A small butterfly made its way over, landing on Alex's hand. She stopped her hand, admiring the butterfly. Its' wings were purely chocolate brown, reminding her of Olivia's eyes. The butterfly rose, circling around her.

"I love you." Alex whispered. Alex watched as the butterfly gracefully disappeared into the wind.


End file.
